Prior to this year I hadn’t even come close to participating in a cycling race. This notion was still very much a lofty idea served on a plate of “maybe” and “why not”. What I knew for certain was that I was finally in a time and place in life where I had the support, guidance, and encouragement I needed to dream big and give my wildest goals a chance to be achieved.
“There is no time like the present”
It all started in a sunny town called San Diego…
In 2017, I lived in San Diego, California and was in my second year of a clinical psychology doctoral program. I also had three young kids under the age of five! How I managed toddlers and a doctorate is a story for another time of which I am happy to share.
One night I remember turning on the television, likely after a full day of classes and practicum clinical hours, and watching a documentary that introduced me to ultra cyclist Sarah Cooper and her experience of completing the Race Across America (RAAM). This was the first time I’d heard of this race and was immediately intrigued. My eyes were glued to the screen. I had so many questions, most notably, “where are the Black riders?”. And in an instant, like an epiphany, I said out loud to my partner at the time, “I am going to compete in this race”. They looked at me and laughed, clearly dismissing the spark of possibility that was growing on my face, and I remember my annoyance with them in that moment and made an intentional decision to prove them, and those who would similarly dismiss me and anyone who looks like me, wrong.
“No limits, no boundaries”
Fast forward and I now live in Minneapolis, Minnesota with my kids, sans previously mentioned partner, and as fate would have it, am now a co-founding member and the president of a competitive cycling team, Stamina Racing Collective x Machines for Freedom. How’d all of that happen? Well, I’d previously worked in upstate New York and like many impacted by COVID-19 budget cuts found myself in a position to search for and secure new employment… quickly. After interviewing with a few different companies I ultimately made the decision to join a fast growing and industry-respected sport psychology group in Minnesota. Shortly after accepting the job offer, I received a lengthy text message from my now colleague and teammate. During my interview process I’d mentioned my interest in racing and clearly she was listening. Her text went something like, “What type of bike riding are you hoping to get into? Do you have a bike? No? Well, how tall are you? I’m starting a new team that focuses on diversity. I’d love for you to be part of it… ”
My response:
“I am so in.”
That text exchange took place in June of 2020 and by August of the same year I was a member of a full rostered cycling team, with a majority of the items needed to get started, namely a beautiful Specialized Allez road bike (my FIRST road bike ever!) that had been provided to me by a community member, and best of all, moved to a new state with an automatic community of phenomenal cyclists who very quickly became family… oh and this was all during a pandemic! Whaaaaaat?
In an instant I now had everything I didn’t have in 2017 and realized how wonderfully aligned my life path had become. My excitement was the strongest it had ever been and even though I wasn’t confident shifting gears, couldn’t name most of the components on my bike, and was nowhere ready to try “clippy” shoes, I had passion and drive.
Ashley and her children meet their new teammates for the first time
photo credit: Carlos Sabillon
So in November when I received an email about registering for the 6-12-24 Hour Virtual World Time Trial Championships I decided to make that my first virtual race. I wavered between which event I would race and settled on the 3 hour offering. I was drawn toward the 24 hour but immediately negated this and deemed myself too novice. In a millisecond I had determined that I could not do something simply because I had not previously imagined myself doing it and therefore had no frame of reference to lean on, which to be honest, scared the sunflower seeds out of me. I paid the registration fee, let me teammates know and continued on about my days.
Ready for the plot twist?
A week or two from the test event I received an email informing registrants that the event was postponed to January 2021 because of technical difficulties.
😲
Either that night or the next, there I was minding my own business, doing a cycling workout on my indoor trainer, listening to Soca music, when it hit me like a LEGO piece to the face: WHY WAS I LIMITING MYSELF??? It was like the universe was saying, “Listen, Ashley you better make this right.” I’d predetermined my ability based on years of being told directly and indirectly what I can and cannot do and what I should and should not aspire toward. WOW. I’d become the voices that suppress and minimize. I’d imposed limits on myself that had no right to be there. So, like any sane person fueled by centuries of ancestral pride, I sent an email to the race administrators to change my registration not to the 6 or 12 hour race, but the 24! Once it had been confirmed and I saw my name on the list of participants, I took a screenshot and sent it to my team for support and accountability and let my coach know so they could tailor my workouts to the upcoming endurance race.
“WHY WAS I LIMITING MYSELF???”
photo credit: Anna Min of Min Enterprises
“Can you still feel your legs?”
The morning of the race I did equipment checks, connected with my teammates, set up my hydration and nutrition, and reminded my children of the plan of the day.
One memory was sharp in my mind.
The first time I’d met my teammates: a photoshoot literally two days after I’d driven 800+ miles to a new state. My teammate had brought a trove of jerseys and shoes, literally the trunk of her car felt like a market sale. It was a sight to be seen for sure. I’d decided to wear the summerweight long sleeve Machines for Freedom jersey in Jaded Rose. This was the first jersey I’d ever worn and truly remember feeling so strong and able. In a single moment I FELT like a cyclist. Now, there I was preparing for a 24 hours race in the comfort of my living room with the community provided gear and equipment with the support of an entire team behind me.
The race began and I told myself, “make sure you are having fun.” Smile. Laugh. Make jokes with your teammates on IG live. ENJOY THIS MOMENT.
Hours seemed to fly by. Two hour interval check-ins on social media kept me motivated and engaged. Common questions from viewers were, “can you still feel your legs?” and “is your butt numb yet?” BIPOC-identified supporters, friends, and strangers sent me messages on social media encouraging me and sharing with me that watching me compete in this race was inspiring. And there it was. The reason I was pushing past the mental fatigue and moving my legs even when they were ready to be propped up on a pillow. If watching me race inspires someone to break down barriers and remove limitations then it will all have been worth it, one hundred thousand times over.
“In a single moment I felt like a cyclist.”
photo credit: Carlos Sabillon
“What’s next?”
So, I can now say that I have competed in a 24 hour virtual endurance race! It’s a great conversation starter by the way.
What was clear from the moment I logged on for the test ride a week prior to the start of the race was that I was the only Black/Afro-Caribbean, female identified rider surrounded by a sea of middle aged white men, which is indicative of the environment of cycling and begs the question, what are WE doing about it?
My next step is continuing to raise this question in spaces that were not built for me. Continuing to enter virtual races and one day, when safe to do so, in-person races. Continuing to show my cycling journey and continuing to be unapologetic about my intention to diversify cycling.
By: Ashley Zapata